Women on Top

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you
can get the milk for
free". Here's an update for you.
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.
Why? Because women realize its not worth buying an
entire Pig, just to get a
little sausage.
_______________________
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to
wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he
shouted to me, "What
setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your
shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
_______________________
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to
make you the happiest
woman in the world"
The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
_______________________
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says
as he stepped out of
the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbours
would think if I mowed
the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she
replied.
______________________
He: "Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to
make love to you
really badly."
She: "Well, you succeeded."
______________________
He: "What have you been doing with all the grocery
money I gave you?"
She: "Turn sideways and look in the mirror."
______________________
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking,
sensitive man?
A: A rumour
_______________________
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were
celebrating their 40th wedding
anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to
them and said that
because they had been such a devoted couple she would
grant each of them a
very special wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her
husband. Whoosh!
Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her
hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger
than him. Whoosh...
immediately he turned 90!
Gotta love that fairy!