Thursday, December 29, 2005
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Interesting pic.
Feeling really bored today. Found this pic in my inbox and thought of sharing it on my blog. Looks a really cool photograph. Don't know what is going on in the picture though.
Ronaldinho is FIFA worldplayer of the year
I know I am -as always- a little too late in publishing this. I have been waiting a long time to publish something on my blog now.
Ronaldinho. The name itself spells magic. He according to me is the greatest footballer of this era along with Zidane. Acoording to me he's one step better than Zidane because Ronaldinho has achieved greatness far earlier than Zidane did. Anyway, this is my personal opinion and is open to all kind of debates.
The fact of the matter is Ronaldinho is FIFA World Player for the second successive year. This award adds upto the Eurpoean Player of the year he won earlier this year. He is the third Brazilian to win the world and European player awards in the same year after Ronaldo in 1997 and 2002, and Rivaldo in 1999.
Ronaldinho picked up 956 points to comfortably beat Chelsea's England midfielder Frank Lampard (306) in the Fifa vote by national coaches and captains around the world.
The Brazilian's Barcelona teammate Samuel Eto'o of Cameroon finished in third place with 190 points.
The 25-year-old Ronaldinho also won the inaugural FIFPro World Player of the Year award, selected by his fellow players, in September.
These awards is another ndication of the greatness of this man. If he stays mentally and physically fit for the years to come then we might be fortunate enough to see the playing years of possibly the greatest ever footballer in the history of the game (although I am a little biased towars Diego Maradona).
Of course there will be doubters but, there is no doubt in my mind he's the best footballer still playing the game.
Ronaldinho. The name itself spells magic. He according to me is the greatest footballer of this era along with Zidane. Acoording to me he's one step better than Zidane because Ronaldinho has achieved greatness far earlier than Zidane did. Anyway, this is my personal opinion and is open to all kind of debates.
The fact of the matter is Ronaldinho is FIFA World Player for the second successive year. This award adds upto the Eurpoean Player of the year he won earlier this year. He is the third Brazilian to win the world and European player awards in the same year after Ronaldo in 1997 and 2002, and Rivaldo in 1999.
Ronaldinho picked up 956 points to comfortably beat Chelsea's England midfielder Frank Lampard (306) in the Fifa vote by national coaches and captains around the world.
The Brazilian's Barcelona teammate Samuel Eto'o of Cameroon finished in third place with 190 points.
The 25-year-old Ronaldinho also won the inaugural FIFPro World Player of the Year award, selected by his fellow players, in September.
These awards is another ndication of the greatness of this man. If he stays mentally and physically fit for the years to come then we might be fortunate enough to see the playing years of possibly the greatest ever footballer in the history of the game (although I am a little biased towars Diego Maradona).
Of course there will be doubters but, there is no doubt in my mind he's the best footballer still playing the game.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Monday, December 19, 2005
How foolish can you get...
A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.
Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot
right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have
to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your
lousy drive is going to cost us."
So the couple walked up to the house and
knocked on the door.
A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened
the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a
broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken
window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke
my window?"
"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the
husband replied.
"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank
you. You see,
I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for
a thousand years.
Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant
three wishes. I'll Give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll
keep the last one for myself."
"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a
moment and blurted out,
"I'd like a million dollars a year for! the rest of my
life."
"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a
long, healthy life!"
"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie
asked. "I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants
in every country in the world," she said.
"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire,
burglary and natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your
wish, genie?"
" Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and
haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years,
my wish is to sleep with your wife."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now
have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"
She mul! led it over for a few moments and said, "You
know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I
wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"
"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband.
"I'd do the same for you!" So the genie and the
woman went upstairs
where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying
each other. The genie was insatiable.
After about three hours of non-stop fun,
the genie rolled over and looked directly into
her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your
husband?"
"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
"Really?! Thirty-five years old and both of you still
believe in genies?"
Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot
right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have
to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your
lousy drive is going to cost us."
So the couple walked up to the house and
knocked on the door.
A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened
the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a
broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken
window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke
my window?"
"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the
husband replied.
"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank
you. You see,
I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for
a thousand years.
Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant
three wishes. I'll Give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll
keep the last one for myself."
"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a
moment and blurted out,
"I'd like a million dollars a year for! the rest of my
life."
"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a
long, healthy life!"
"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie
asked. "I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants
in every country in the world," she said.
"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire,
burglary and natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your
wish, genie?"
" Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and
haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years,
my wish is to sleep with your wife."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now
have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"
She mul! led it over for a few moments and said, "You
know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I
wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"
"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband.
"I'd do the same for you!" So the genie and the
woman went upstairs
where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying
each other. The genie was insatiable.
After about three hours of non-stop fun,
the genie rolled over and looked directly into
her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your
husband?"
"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
"Really?! Thirty-five years old and both of you still
believe in genies?"
Monday, December 12, 2005
David Blaine's latest offering
A 18-year-old girl finally had the opportunity to go to a party by herself. Since she was very good-looking, she was a bit nervous about what to do if boys hit on her.
Her mom said, "It's very easy! Whenever a boy starts hitting on you, you ask him, 'What will be the name of our baby?' That'll scare them off."
So off she went. After a little while at the party, a boy started dancing with her, and little by little he started kissing her and touching her.
She asked him, "What will our baby be called?"
The boy found some excuse and disappeared. Some time later, the same thing happened again; a boy started to kiss her neck, her shoulders... She stopped him and asked about the baby's name, and he ran off.
Later on, another boy invited her for a walk. After a few minutes, he started kissing her, and she asked him, "What will our baby be called?"
He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off.
"What will our baby be called?" she asked once more.
He began to do it with her. "What will our baby be called?!" she asked again.
After he was done, he took off his "full" condom, gave it a knot, and said, "If he gets out of this one... David Blaine, the magician! "
Her mom said, "It's very easy! Whenever a boy starts hitting on you, you ask him, 'What will be the name of our baby?' That'll scare them off."
So off she went. After a little while at the party, a boy started dancing with her, and little by little he started kissing her and touching her.
She asked him, "What will our baby be called?"
The boy found some excuse and disappeared. Some time later, the same thing happened again; a boy started to kiss her neck, her shoulders... She stopped him and asked about the baby's name, and he ran off.
Later on, another boy invited her for a walk. After a few minutes, he started kissing her, and she asked him, "What will our baby be called?"
He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off.
"What will our baby be called?" she asked once more.
He began to do it with her. "What will our baby be called?!" she asked again.
After he was done, he took off his "full" condom, gave it a knot, and said, "If he gets out of this one... David Blaine, the magician! "
The expensive Barbie
>A father leaves work a little late one night and on his way home, he
> remembers that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought a
> gift.
> He parks his car in front of a toy store and asks the salesperson, "How
> much is the Barbie in the window?"
>
> With a convincing voice the salesperson replies, "Well we have 'Barbie
> goes to the Gym' for $19.95, 'Barbie plays Volleyball' for
> $19.95, 'Barbie goes Shopping' for $19.95, 'Barbie goes to the Beach'
> for $19.95, 'Barbie goes Dancing' for $19.95, and 'Divorced Barbie' for
> $265.95."
>
> The surprised man asks, "What? Why does the divorced Barbie cost
> $265.95
> when the rest are only $19.95?"
>
> Taking a deep breath, the salesperson responds, "Sir... the 'Divorced
> Barbie' comes with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture,
> Ken's computer, and one of Ken's friends."
> remembers that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought a
> gift.
> He parks his car in front of a toy store and asks the salesperson, "How
> much is the Barbie in the window?"
>
> With a convincing voice the salesperson replies, "Well we have 'Barbie
> goes to the Gym' for $19.95, 'Barbie plays Volleyball' for
> $19.95, 'Barbie goes Shopping' for $19.95, 'Barbie goes to the Beach'
> for $19.95, 'Barbie goes Dancing' for $19.95, and 'Divorced Barbie' for
> $265.95."
>
> The surprised man asks, "What? Why does the divorced Barbie cost
> $265.95
> when the rest are only $19.95?"
>
> Taking a deep breath, the salesperson responds, "Sir... the 'Divorced
> Barbie' comes with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture,
> Ken's computer, and one of Ken's friends."
Driving on Bangalore Roads...
This hilarious article was written by a Dutchman who spent two years in Bangalore, India, as a visiting expert.
Driving in Bangalore / India
For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting India and daring to drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few hints for survival. They are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safer.
Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance company. The hints are as follows: Do we drive on the left or right of the road? The answer is "both". Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the generally intended direction.
Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in reincarnation; the other drivers are not in any better position. Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back.
Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.
Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts),or just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar. Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the rainwater to recede when over ground traffic meets underground drainage.
Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty,often meeting with success.
Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi): The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws of motion enroute to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate.
Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped" off the tarmac.
Leaning Tower of Passes: Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.
One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type. Least I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also. Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a "speed breaker"; two for each house. This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence and is left untarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.
Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience for those with the mental make up of Genghis Khan. In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes.
Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill. Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point.
P.S: I don't know whether this article was truly written by a dutchman. I got it as a mail forward. Whoever has written it, this article truly represents the plight of commuting on Bangalore roads in a sarcastic way.
Driving in Bangalore / India
For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting India and daring to drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few hints for survival. They are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safer.
Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance company. The hints are as follows: Do we drive on the left or right of the road? The answer is "both". Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the generally intended direction.
Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in reincarnation; the other drivers are not in any better position. Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back.
Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.
Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts),or just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar. Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the rainwater to recede when over ground traffic meets underground drainage.
Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty,often meeting with success.
Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi): The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws of motion enroute to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate.
Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped" off the tarmac.
Leaning Tower of Passes: Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.
One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type. Least I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also. Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a "speed breaker"; two for each house. This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence and is left untarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.
Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience for those with the mental make up of Genghis Khan. In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes.
Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill. Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point.
P.S: I don't know whether this article was truly written by a dutchman. I got it as a mail forward. Whoever has written it, this article truly represents the plight of commuting on Bangalore roads in a sarcastic way.
So that's shit huh?
Exciting Historical information you need to know about shipping Manure:
In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship. It was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common.
It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began.
The by-product of which is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.
Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern,
BOOOOM!
Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening. After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term "Ship High In Transit" on them which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.
Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T," which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day. You probably did not know the true history of this word.
Who's better?
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle,�
Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At�
the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. "Since you've�
been such a good man and your motorcycles have�
changed the world, your reward is, you can hang�
out with anyone you want to in heaven."�
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then�
said, "I want to hang out with God."�
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and�
introduced him to God.�
God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so�
you were the one who invented the�
Harley-Davidson motorcycle?"�
Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me...."�
God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in�
inventing something that's pretty unstable,�
makes noise and pollution and can't run without�
a road?"�
Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally�
spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?"�
� � � �
God said, " Ah, yes."�
"Well ," said Arthur, "professional to�
professional, you have some major design flaws�
in your invention:�
�
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion
� � � � �
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
� � � � �
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble too much
� � � ��
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust �
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!
� � �
"Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,"�
� replied God, "hold on."
� God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed�
in a few words and waited for the results. The�
computer printed out a slip of paper and God�
read it.
�"Well, it may be true that my invention is�
flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to�
these numbers, more men are riding my invention�
than yours.
God's sense of humor
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God She asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a Facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way Home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
(You'll love this!!!)
God replied,
"I didn't recognize you."
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way Home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
(You'll love this!!!)
God replied,
"I didn't recognize you."
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